I know.
I don’t know what I want.
And at last I can say it without my guts twisting or my voice shaking.
Because it’s fine. Because not knowing is also living.
Because not knowing is a declaration of freedom.
They’ve been drilling it into our heads since we were kids:
- You have to know what you want in life.
- You have to be clear about your purpose.
- You have to have goals.
And if you don’t, you’re a failure in progress, a stray sheep, someone who’ll die alone surrounded by cats (if you’re lucky).
So there we all go, racing around like headless chickens, chasing “the purpose,” that damn treasure map promised by coaches, self‑help books, and Pinterest quotes— as if life came with instructions, as if existence were an IKEA flat‑pack.
And yes, I fell for it too.
I swallowed the pill of always knowing where to go. Because, of course, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any bus will do.”
But what if that’s not a threat, but a blessing?
What if not knowing where you’re going lets you look out the window and see the scenery?
What if that “any bus” carries you to places you’d never have imagined had you stuck to a plan?
What if living without GPS is the most honest way to be alive?
The purpose industry sells as well as miracle diets or romantic-love fantasies.
But how dull is the idea of choosing just one thing. One single dream. One single life.
And everything else? Do we toss it overboard just to fit the mold of being “focused and driven”?
There was a time they asked me what my dreams were.
I had to perform near-surgical effort to invent one. Because I didn’t know. Because I was so busy surviving that dreaming was a luxury. I’d get up, eat whatever I could, and shake hands with routine without asking awkward questions.
That’s when I slid into the rabbit hole of courses, workshops, 21-day challenges to discover your inner self.
I followed other people’s instructions to live my life— as if someone else knew better than I what makes me happy.
As if my soul had to show up at an office with a photocopy of its Purpose and three references.
When did life turn into something to plan, structure, monetize?
When did we stop living and start managing ourselves like startups?
And when did we accept, without protest, that if we’re not “focused,” we must be lost?
Newsflash:
We are not broken.
We are not missing anything.
And there isn’t always something to heal.
Sometimes what we need isn’t another coaching session or another vision board.
Sometimes what we need is silence.
Silence to hear that shapeless thing you can’t post on Instagram but that feels like home.
Not knowing is also a path.
And no, it isn’t resignation. It’s courage.
Courage to live without certainties.
To step off the Achievement Express and walk barefoot through the mud of the unknown.
Because maybe that’s what we came for:
To live. To experiment. To try, fail, change course, cry in the bathroom, and laugh for no reason.
To find ourselves in every loss.
To reinvent ourselves with every step.
So if today you don’t know what you want— congratulations:
You’re alive. You’re awake.
You’re standing in that exact space between confusion and magic.
And from there, trust me, everything is possible.
